As of what i know,
my last post is at the start of this year :)
As usual,
a lot has happen,
bout to ord,
uni bout to start,
and getting closer to 'this girl' :P
well,
after reading the update in jan,
i am glad to have overcome the trust issue i always had in relationships :)
however, i won't say things are just gonna go smoothly just yet~
turns out adult life is even worst than when i was young~
all these new problems on top of the old~
haix~
just make me realize,
maybe this is why people used to say it feels good to be a kid or to be young~
ANYWAY~
like i always feel,
there is always two side to a coin :)
when there is bad thing~
there is a good side :)
adulthood isn't without it perks~ :D
staycation, dates, dreams and goals dun seem so far right now~
like a post on 9gag,
the year 2000 is as far as the year 2030 right now :)
so in 2030,
i will be 37,
where will i be?
i hope its with you >_^
with the dreams we made,
and goals we set~
achieved and striving for higher ones :P
so yeah, if i am reading this again,
you have already chatted for half a year and dated for 5months :)
so go strong!
hope the next time you read this is cause you have written the future together :)
P.S Have you found my blog yet? :) still waiting~ :P
Wednesday, May 27, 2015
Thursday, January 29, 2015
2015
Never thought that after so long,I still need this place to rant out stuff, haha...
so much for relationship after uni,
so, I guess it serves me right
to have all these problems
in my mind right now.
so end of 2014,
I am going out with this girl
she is perfect, in every way.
except one.
she had one thing I had always been avoiding.
she is popular.
been hiding from this after sec school.
so how now?
to accept it?
to leave now?
After accepting the fact that,
I am not gonna be in a relationship forever,
these things that's happen is~
not really helping me changing my view...
me right now,
just wish,
you could answer all my qus,
scold me,
even argue with me,
at least dispel the doubts in me.
I have accepted the fact,
everyone leaves,
tell me,
convinces me!
let me know no matter what you won't leave.
dun just say...
you have feelings for me,
I can leave If I want...
I need more than that...
and tonight,
definitely didn't help,
knowing that you accept his request...
knowing only now
you are chatting on fb with him
And
knowing you actually accepted it.
my heart sank.
its just, I just feel like digging it out right now
at least, the cut wound
won't hurt as much as my heart right now...
guess...
maybe i am taking words too seriously,
maybe I should slow down showing my heart
so much for relationship after uni,
so, I guess it serves me right
to have all these problems
in my mind right now.
so end of 2014,
I am going out with this girl
she is perfect, in every way.
except one.
she had one thing I had always been avoiding.
she is popular.
been hiding from this after sec school.
so how now?
to accept it?
to leave now?
After accepting the fact that,
I am not gonna be in a relationship forever,
these things that's happen is~
not really helping me changing my view...
me right now,
just wish,
you could answer all my qus,
scold me,
even argue with me,
at least dispel the doubts in me.
I have accepted the fact,
everyone leaves,
tell me,
convinces me!
let me know no matter what you won't leave.
dun just say...
you have feelings for me,
I can leave If I want...
I need more than that...
and tonight,
definitely didn't help,
knowing that you accept his request...
knowing only now
you are chatting on fb with him
And
knowing you actually accepted it.
my heart sank.
its just, I just feel like digging it out right now
at least, the cut wound
won't hurt as much as my heart right now...
guess...
maybe i am taking words too seriously,
maybe I should slow down showing my heart
Tuesday, June 10, 2014
All Too Well
I walked through the door with you, the air was cold,
But something 'bout it felt like home somehow.
And I left my scarf there at your sister's house,
And you still got it in your drawer even now.
Oh, your sweet disposition and my wide-eyed gaze.
We're singing in the car, getting lost Upstate.
Autumn leaves falling down like pieces into place,
And I can picture it after all these days.
And I know it's long gone,
And that magic's not here no more,
And I might be okay,
But I'm not fine at all.
'Cause there we are again on that little town street.
You almost ran the red 'cause you were looking over me.
Wind in my hair, I was there, I remember it all too well.
Photo album on the counter, your cheeks were turning red.
You used to be a little kid with glasses in a twin-size bed
And your mother's telling stories about you on a tee ball team
You tell me 'bout your past, thinking your future was me.
And I know it's long gone
And there was nothing else I could do
And I forget about you long enough
To forget why I needed to...
'Cause there we are again in the middle of the night.
We dance around the kitchen in the refrigerator light
Down the stairs, I was there, I remember it all too well, yeah.
Maybe we got lost in translation, maybe I asked for too much,
And maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'til you tore it all up.
Running scared, I was there, I remember it all too well.
Hey, you call me up again just to break me like a promise.
So casually cruel in the name of being honest.
I'm a crumpled up piece of paper lying here
'Cause I remember it all, all, all... too well.
Time won't fly, it's like I'm paralyzed by it
I'd like to be my old self again, but I'm still trying to find it
After plaid shirt days and nights when you made me your own
Now you mail back my things and I walk home alone
But you keep my old scarf from that very first week
'Cause it reminds you of innocence and it smells like me
You can't get rid of it 'cause you remember it all too well, yeah
'Cause there we are again, when I loved you so
Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known
It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well
Wind in my hair, you were there, you remember it all
Down the stairs, you were there, you remember it all
It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well
Heard this at the recent 'RED' concert,
she said something like this before the song.
"sometimes, in love,
the bad memories comes back to haunt you,
but, sometimes the great memories is the one that come to haunt you."
and to her,
this was a combination
of the haunting good and bad memories
that she knows too well...
ok, its reaching one year since we broke up,
if i were to say,
i didn't think of you,
i didn't thought of getting you back,
i didn't had the urge to call you,
i would be lying.
However, i stop myself at each moment.
At first, i thought to myself,
there is no point in going back to a relationship which didn't work,
cause there will be family factors we can't change.
Now, the reason has changed,
it has become,
that you will have a better life being with someone else...
So, its time to move on...
I walked through the door with you, the air was cold,
But something 'bout it felt like home somehow.
And I left my scarf there at your sister's house,
And you still got it in your drawer even now.
Oh, your sweet disposition and my wide-eyed gaze.
We're singing in the car, getting lost Upstate.
Autumn leaves falling down like pieces into place,
And I can picture it after all these days.
And I know it's long gone,
And that magic's not here no more,
And I might be okay,
But I'm not fine at all.
'Cause there we are again on that little town street.
You almost ran the red 'cause you were looking over me.
Wind in my hair, I was there, I remember it all too well.
Photo album on the counter, your cheeks were turning red.
You used to be a little kid with glasses in a twin-size bed
And your mother's telling stories about you on a tee ball team
You tell me 'bout your past, thinking your future was me.
And I know it's long gone
And there was nothing else I could do
And I forget about you long enough
To forget why I needed to...
'Cause there we are again in the middle of the night.
We dance around the kitchen in the refrigerator light
Down the stairs, I was there, I remember it all too well, yeah.
Maybe we got lost in translation, maybe I asked for too much,
And maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'til you tore it all up.
Running scared, I was there, I remember it all too well.
Hey, you call me up again just to break me like a promise.
So casually cruel in the name of being honest.
I'm a crumpled up piece of paper lying here
'Cause I remember it all, all, all... too well.
Time won't fly, it's like I'm paralyzed by it
I'd like to be my old self again, but I'm still trying to find it
After plaid shirt days and nights when you made me your own
Now you mail back my things and I walk home alone
But you keep my old scarf from that very first week
'Cause it reminds you of innocence and it smells like me
You can't get rid of it 'cause you remember it all too well, yeah
'Cause there we are again, when I loved you so
Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known
It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well
Wind in my hair, you were there, you remember it all
Down the stairs, you were there, you remember it all
It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well
Heard this at the recent 'RED' concert,
she said something like this before the song.
"sometimes, in love,
the bad memories comes back to haunt you,
but, sometimes the great memories is the one that come to haunt you."
and to her,
this was a combination
of the haunting good and bad memories
that she knows too well...
ok, its reaching one year since we broke up,
if i were to say,
i didn't think of you,
i didn't thought of getting you back,
i didn't had the urge to call you,
i would be lying.
However, i stop myself at each moment.
At first, i thought to myself,
there is no point in going back to a relationship which didn't work,
cause there will be family factors we can't change.
Now, the reason has changed,
it has become,
that you will have a better life being with someone else...
So, its time to move on...
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
Leading this stress full life
Most adults always say,
what could a kid be stress about?
Well, for me,
i really beg to differ.
After talking to some people in life,
it turns out that some kids really do have stuff to stress about.
It may start out as simple as not being able to get a new toy,
but as some parents do not see it,
it slowly evolve into,
not being able to support their kids thru higher education.
Well, so i say,
all kids grows up,
but some, earlier than others.
Some naturally,
while others are forced by situation.
Guess, it does make oneself strong and more determine.
A person can't choose what in his life,
he can only choose what he is going to do about it.
Moving on,
2014,
its time to put down,
all the things i don't need to stress about,
all the things others should start worrying about,
all the responsibilities that i do not need to carry
After 19/1/14,
more self development,
more focus,
more self improvement.
Less worrying,
Less thinking of things that has pass,
Less of what is not important.
Looking at the future,
the kitchen,
the people,
the laughter,
the effort i would need to put in.
2014,
year of focus.
what could a kid be stress about?
Well, for me,
i really beg to differ.
After talking to some people in life,
it turns out that some kids really do have stuff to stress about.
It may start out as simple as not being able to get a new toy,
but as some parents do not see it,
it slowly evolve into,
not being able to support their kids thru higher education.
Well, so i say,
all kids grows up,
but some, earlier than others.
Some naturally,
while others are forced by situation.
Guess, it does make oneself strong and more determine.
A person can't choose what in his life,
he can only choose what he is going to do about it.
Moving on,
2014,
its time to put down,
all the things i don't need to stress about,
all the things others should start worrying about,
all the responsibilities that i do not need to carry
After 19/1/14,
more self development,
more focus,
more self improvement.
Less worrying,
Less thinking of things that has pass,
Less of what is not important.
Looking at the future,
the kitchen,
the people,
the laughter,
the effort i would need to put in.
2014,
year of focus.
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Countdown to 2014!
Well, its is finally the last day of 2013 :)
it has been a year of change as expected,
finishing poly to working at Broers and Flock,
and now National service :)
This are some of the main events that happen this year :)
Met awesome people along the way,
be it colleague or regulars along the way :)
Definitely, there are some down moments,
one of them is definitely losing her.
Guess national service does left us with no time to spend with that special one.
Maybe is the right one at the wrong time?
Anyway, its over :)
And like what i always felt,
if it ends, means, there is something wrong
and should just let it be.
So for now,
no new resolution,
just do my best,
at the main stuff next year :)
- CIA interview
-New Vocation
-Spending time with the people around me
-Just do my best :)
Happy 2014! :D
it has been a year of change as expected,
finishing poly to working at Broers and Flock,
and now National service :)
This are some of the main events that happen this year :)
Met awesome people along the way,
be it colleague or regulars along the way :)
Definitely, there are some down moments,
one of them is definitely losing her.
Guess national service does left us with no time to spend with that special one.
Maybe is the right one at the wrong time?
Anyway, its over :)
And like what i always felt,
if it ends, means, there is something wrong
and should just let it be.
So for now,
no new resolution,
just do my best,
at the main stuff next year :)
- CIA interview
-New Vocation
-Spending time with the people around me
-Just do my best :)
Happy 2014! :D
Friday, December 27, 2013
Problems when i get too free
Seriously, i have too much time on my hand.
It like eat, surf the net, doing some exercise in between and nothing else.
Worst thing of all, all the empty moments to think of stupid stuff.
Guess, i really need to be busy now more than ever,
but yet, its the one thing i can't do.
I guess i can confirm now that one of the thing i can't do is to show care for someone.
Its like, maybe it a problem with my ideology,
like, i feel we should be able to solve our own problems,
if not, just find the person who is able to solve it.
So, when i hear a problem,
all i can think of is to solve it.
Don't really wanna stay home,
like i just wanna go out,
its like when i'm home,
all i wanna do is to do nothing.
However, my mind just keep telling myself to do something.
Contradicting person.
Now, i just wanna like go out,
even if its alone,
at least,
it keeps my mind off stuff.
Worst part of a relationship.
It like eat, surf the net, doing some exercise in between and nothing else.
Worst thing of all, all the empty moments to think of stupid stuff.
Guess, i really need to be busy now more than ever,
but yet, its the one thing i can't do.
I guess i can confirm now that one of the thing i can't do is to show care for someone.
Its like, maybe it a problem with my ideology,
like, i feel we should be able to solve our own problems,
if not, just find the person who is able to solve it.
So, when i hear a problem,
all i can think of is to solve it.
Don't really wanna stay home,
like i just wanna go out,
its like when i'm home,
all i wanna do is to do nothing.
However, my mind just keep telling myself to do something.
Contradicting person.
Now, i just wanna like go out,
even if its alone,
at least,
it keeps my mind off stuff.
Worst part of a relationship.
Monday, December 23, 2013
Reflection of 2013
Woah,
Suddenly,
the amount of days to 2014 can be counted with both hands.
A lot has happened in this few months.
Sept, Oct, Nov and now Dec.
During this 4 months,
the army guy me,
fired live rounds, went to field camp, threw a grenade and
had my IPPT pass that came way too late.
While for the civilian me,
I ended a relationship that lasted 1 year and around 9months(?),
went into the hospital.
As of now, i really really hate the idle moments i have.
Too much free time, too much moments for my thoughts to go wild.
I have to admit,
i'm still adjusting,
adjusting to this life that has one part of it missing.
Its not just a small routine,
but it was a huge chuck of my life for almost two years.
Going to movie with others, not constantly on my phone,
having to fetch her home, no problems to face together.
it, seem a little unfamiliar to me.
i thought, i would not be affect by it,
but it seems like, i was wrong.
Guess its gonna be another two years of waiting,
waiting for time to heal this wound.
However, this time, its gonna be different,
no more farther than friends,
no more love, no more couples stuff, no more.
If there is a lesson to be learnt,
it is that, i'm a guy who place work, responsibility above all.
I may place a girl first in my life,
but that only be in terms of the people of my life.
The placing of things that is important in my life,
as much as i hate to admit,
will always be responsibility above all.
So, to not create another problem,
be a burden to others,
no more, from now now,
it will be just work, family, friends and interests.
Maybe till the time when that someone appears,
that can really really change me,
or maybe just support me
or share the same 'problem' in life.
Maybe.
Main reflection of 2013.
Put in more effort in to things, esp things that affect my future.
Endure and endure more, i am able to take more that i know.
Learn more, experience more. Leave this little well of mine.
I'm an adult now, couple of weeks to 21. Mature, Man up.
Suddenly,
the amount of days to 2014 can be counted with both hands.
A lot has happened in this few months.
Sept, Oct, Nov and now Dec.
During this 4 months,
the army guy me,
fired live rounds, went to field camp, threw a grenade and
had my IPPT pass that came way too late.
While for the civilian me,
I ended a relationship that lasted 1 year and around 9months(?),
went into the hospital.
As of now, i really really hate the idle moments i have.
Too much free time, too much moments for my thoughts to go wild.
I have to admit,
i'm still adjusting,
adjusting to this life that has one part of it missing.
Its not just a small routine,
but it was a huge chuck of my life for almost two years.
Going to movie with others, not constantly on my phone,
having to fetch her home, no problems to face together.
it, seem a little unfamiliar to me.
i thought, i would not be affect by it,
but it seems like, i was wrong.
Guess its gonna be another two years of waiting,
waiting for time to heal this wound.
However, this time, its gonna be different,
no more farther than friends,
no more love, no more couples stuff, no more.
If there is a lesson to be learnt,
it is that, i'm a guy who place work, responsibility above all.
I may place a girl first in my life,
but that only be in terms of the people of my life.
The placing of things that is important in my life,
as much as i hate to admit,
will always be responsibility above all.
So, to not create another problem,
be a burden to others,
no more, from now now,
it will be just work, family, friends and interests.
Maybe till the time when that someone appears,
that can really really change me,
or maybe just support me
or share the same 'problem' in life.
Maybe.
Main reflection of 2013.
Put in more effort in to things, esp things that affect my future.
Endure and endure more, i am able to take more that i know.
Learn more, experience more. Leave this little well of mine.
I'm an adult now, couple of weeks to 21. Mature, Man up.
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