not goin to tok bout my day 2day,kinda boring,so goin to write bout someting i was tinkin of 2day....name,a term for someone,but then sometime,we dun really call others by their really name,we call them other names or special term...i hav some,but then there was tis one which i was really fond of,it was her who call me dat special term,meant alot to me,mayb cus it was my first relationship,and first time she really meant it when she used it,i used the same term for her 2,but as time went by,relationship got strain,found dat only i usin it,then till the day dat the relationship was finish,it all ended there,got bck as friends,got to know dat she dun really use the term for any guys,but mayb i should forget it s it won't hurt so much,cus she used it for other guys,for fun or for real,i duno,but then one ting for sure,i dun want to spoilt her fun,spoilt her fun once durin the relationship,but different matter,but similar in ways..............tinkin of her all the time,remembered wat she said frm last time till now,but then now,juz duno,if i'm juz a friend or someting higher in status,lol,but then feel i'm stuck halfway.............duno if i should post tis out,so goin to leave it out for one day,tmr nite,i juz goin to transfer it to my unpublish posts........another matter,actually,i feel,i'm should really leave her,cus i'm not really someone who anyone would want asa bf,i'm not handsome,quite poor,attitude problem,dun communicate well,may forgot to to gf when in conversation wit friends,easily jealous,control freak......thought of juz leave the world,but feel it is unfair for my parents,and i should not control how long i live,but somtime,i wish,there is a corner in tis world i can escape to,but it juz seems,dat its impossible....so strugglin to stay alive,but its a war i must fight,changin myself is one ting,but then am i juz changin the outside of me rather then the inside,i duno,mayb only she can tell,life is not a stage,but a chore