Oh well,today,

i went out with her and a friend of ours.

then we walked home,

i can felt the awkwardness between,

haha,

guess,short hair is really a factor.

i can say she isn't the one

colouring my life anymore.

i colour my own life,

i choose what i want to do.

but just now,

i have to say,

i thought maybe we could be friends,

but then the chat at the staircase,

it was no longer like it used to,

from private conversation,

to just casual superficial topic.

Is hair the problem?

if it is,

then i guess the choice to give up

was not wrong then.

if a hairstyle is such an important factor

its,just stupid.

but that chocolate,

it sort of symbolized something,

something we used to had...

shouldn't have taken it.

shouldn't have get it in my life.

guess,i got to just return it,

return a gift,

return everything...

i duno...whether if i can do it...

when i got into poly,CMC

sometime,the lecturer in my class will ask my class to write something,

something,a sentence describing a thing,

an event or even sometime to promote something.

i get stun,

like thou its like the 2nd sem of my year 2 poly life,

my mind still get jam sometimes

.i think maybe cus thru out 10 years of pri and sec sch,

most of the answer i nid to give,is usually,the same as others.

so now,when asked to do something,different.

i get stuck....

then after reading an article,

written by a teacher,

about a student who did everything different.

it got me thinking,

am i really programmed to think in a certain way?

like same same?

remember drama teacher once said,

when someone is looking for his/her style,

they start by copying other people.

but it has been 18 yrs already,

is copying someone's style,

my style?

i duno,

so maybe i should start developing my style?

i think i have it in me,

but confidence,

why am i so not confident?

yeah,maybe instead of playing safe,

i should juz try.

yeah,juz try!

Shitty project,

the new semester timetable is like ok,

but the assignments' deadline is very rush,

week 3 already starting on assignment,

assignment that has like 40% of the module,

oh my god!

then still got shitty project?

camp that we start planning like what?

three week before hand?

What.shit.is.this?

ARGH!was so hype about it,

then now?

found out i slipped up A LOT!

damn it!

ARGH!!

hope it goes well...

finger crossed

well,been a long time since i blogged,

thou its the holidays now,

thou i have the time to blog,

thou i dun really sleep early nowadays,

i didn't do it...

maybe some part of my life don't really worth remembering?

maybe,or maybe not.

http://www.youtube.com/user/WongFuProductions?blend=1&ob=4#p/u/13/VSkYbgxl93Y

saw this wongfu production just now,

been awhile since i went to their channel,

then it gotten me thinking...

Memories,

What are the memories that i wanna remember?

but just like the female lead said,

if u can't remember,

why would i wanna remember it?

why would i have the desire to remember it?

guess thats just unreliable memories are?

Its impossible to suddenly remember somethings,

like how someone would when flipping thou his/her old stuff.

When some memories are gone,

its gone...for life...

Then came the 'second question' of the film,

if you want to remember a memory,

even if its fake,

what would it be?

Then the male lead began to tell what he is thinking.

Thinking of what he would Do .

Thinking of what he would Say.

Thinking of what would have Happen.

Just as he was about to kiss her

he stopped thinking,

he said that it didn't matter anymore.

I feel...

its true ,

even if i remembered what i wanted to be our memory,

its not gonna happen...

its just not gonna happen...

But then,

the female lead did,

what the male lead described in his 'memory'

He did what he always wanted to do...

Then the video ended with a phrase,

'Fiction turns into reality'

Life is like a photo,

the people in it,

can be photoshopped.

same picture,

different people....

found a song,

that explains,

the emotion,the situation i am in now...

'Sara Barailles - Breathe Again'

its like,

to me,she used to be like air,

something that i have,

but taken for granted...

and now,this air,

isn't the same,

yet,i still wish to try to get it...

knowing that having it,

doesn't mean i would be happy.

i'm lost,

really lost,

hope to find the another air,

then i can breathe in.

A new kind of air...

oh well,

it has once again been awhile since i blogged

after the exam on the tuesday,

it will be over for semester 2.1.

haix,worried about my result,

hope it comes out well thou...

ok now,personal stuff,

thought,gonna get into a new relationship,

but it turns out,to be an infatuation,

the feeling,faded rather fast,

as there can't be interaction as much as the last,

it sort if burn out rather quickly.

and friends and i pointed out about 'the standard'

being of course,my ex.

yeah,true,she is really a standard.

i'm not sure.

at first it was,

but then even as there wasn't,

i still didn't had the same feeling as the first.

i know,

its is bound to be different,

bt this time,

the feeling now is lyk totally different from the start.

totally nth...

i duno....

treating her as a friend now...

hope she dun hav feeling for me...

scared i'm misleading her,

omg,why didn't i juz end this at the start?!

damn it....

Things to do tmr:

MEMORISE THE HISTORY NOTES!

haha,after everything,

this is still a personal blog.

maybe i'm juz expecting too much.

but oh well,

i'm juz someone who crave attention anyway.

oh well,today,i'm juz not in the mood

to be really a very nice person la.

guess we all got our own life?

u hav your worries,

i have my woes.

so lets juz get on with our own life,

after all its our own lives that we are living :)

so mayb focus less on the us

and more on the you and me,

i will feel less?

yeah,maybe maybe.

who cares anyway,

i'm juz talking to myself.

ok,nth to write actually,

juz dat i JUZ ATTENDED HAIR FOR HOPE!

botak rite now!

super awesome! :D

haha!

ok la,everything going normally? :P

still ok la,going slowly,i tink~haha

oh well,a step at a time i guess?haha :)

its been a long time since i posted,

omg,it finally week 13,

5 more weeks to ard holidays.

of course its good news! :D

oh well,guess i like someone again,

letting someone in m life again...

bt this time,i would really have to wait,

5mths,'A' lvls

i'm ok with the waiting,

bt then,wat are we now?

friends?not friends?

together?dating?on the hook?

i duno,

and i scare my trust issues

may use this against me...

hey,you,can u tell me wat to do?

u used to be able to sense my emotions...

so how now?

waiting for tmr to come...

Things to do:

test

confirm history,storyboard,Pitching.

Thoughts:

ok!this friday,1st of july!

its wat i was waiting for,

but then it's busy start,

pitching with STC?!

omg!abit mixed up thou...

ok,one thing for the next half,

would be to stop the vulgarities.

it gotta stop somewhere,so here it will end,haha

ok,after this busy week,

its even busier weeks to come.

But it also mark the start the of the coming of holidays! :D

ok,now back to prep for exam! :D

Recently:ok,everything is kinda cool recently,

gotten new toys,

still working,

and today i went to help a friend,Dean,

with his filming.

kinda cool,new experience.

but gotten home kinda late thou,haha,

'it has became a habit',this was wat i told saiful,

a new friend i met on the set,

and a ngee ann student who live near me,haha!

thn tmr,gotta go sch for my filming,

thn do a photo montage and also clean log room.

thn prep for friday log buying and also finish my research!

thn hopefully can study for the upcoming test...

things to settle tmr:

lighting for vid

photo montage

confirm friday

log room

research

study!

thought bout recent life:

well,it really getting busier thn ever,

been getting more thing on myself,

really cannot sia!

gotta focus on h/w,

so from now on,

not gonna say yes to everything.

gotta focus on work!

so yeah,thats what i HAVE to do.

About today:today was quite great,

went bowling with ye hua and edwin,

been a long time since i bowled,

really gotten worst,haha!

pool afterwards~

result was the same,

won once,lost once,guess that fair?haha

had teabreak(but quite heavy duty,bryani,haha!)

after that,we went to downtown and

bought angry bird t-shirts :P

thing to do tmr

indian movie essay

general hist work!

thoughts today:homework,one thing that is dragging me,

its lyk chain which attached to my mind,

bt then,its me who dun wanna detached them...

instead of focusing on how to unlock them,

i'm just letting it chain me down,

affecting my movement,

damn it!

HEY YOU!

YES YOU!

gotta focus on the chains,

if u focus hard enough,

u hav no problem unlocking them!

dun lose focus!

morning!unlock them the lock!

set you free!

i duno,

thought that some people in my life,

dun really discriminate who we are,

but guess i was wrong,

damn it.

knowing that after a nite sleep,

i will most likely not get pissed at it.

but now,i'm really not happy bout it.

nvr talk to me whn i'm in a bad mood,

i will turn into another person.

well,not sure of what is happening to me,

lack of sleep,others or has the power has gotten to me?

lack of sleep:

guess slping at wee hours every nite

does has it toll on the body,

no energy to do anything,restless and bad mood,

some of the few things i'm havin now...

argh!

The power:

alwasys been afraid of this,

after seeing how power can make a person lose friends,

its one thing i always tell myself to avoid,

its like,the reason we learn from others mistake,

to not take the same path of destruction they had did.

but now,after being in two exco,

and forgotten about the 'blindness' brings,

its may be happening to me rite now,

bt its not too late,

gotten balance myself!

others:

well,been thinking bout lots of things,

my life,my future and mayb the 'wants'.

-first,my life.

well,this isn't reall wat i thought 18yrs old would be like,

had always thought,

by now,i would be financially stable,

but look at me now,toys,all the things i dun nid.

what is this?!

and also,been piling up too much commitment,

thou i wanted a meaningful life,

it does not need to be a busy life.

mental note to myself.

and grades,pls be more into your work,

wanna be a bum nxt time huh?

-my future

duno where this path will lead me,

media,

where will i stand?

where will i be?

will i survive?

will i be a bum?a parasite of society?

i duno,but i'm starting to be scared of it.

-the 'wants'

wanting to complete my set of toys,

and i'm gonna do it,

even if it means being a spendthrift,

cus i know,i will nvr stop wanting to complete it

once i started.

a gf,tis is really a weird want,

duno whether everyone is getting,

thus starting the 'gf fever'

or is it my time to actually thinking of getting one.

friends told me to juz go for it,

bt then,why start something whn u can't complete it?

so meaning i should juz be a jerk and juz get into short r/s?

mayb.i duno.

well,i really duno wat my life is really be filled with,

wat i'm gonna do.

something,wish i would really be able to start everything afresh,

a reset button mayb?haix

31/06/2011,the date to fully pack up all the toys and be a 18yr old

the war has been started,
a revolution is waiting to start!
is this the calling i been waiting?
always sitting,waiting and wishing...
seems lyk public speaking is ok for me now,
but now is has boil down to one to one conversation,
am i up for the game?
i nid more practice!
haha!
i might be heading down a path of destruction,
but for now,
everything seems worth it!

ARGH!
why am i so weak?!
can take up,can't let go!
DAMN IT!
ARGH!being happy is the most impt.
different people require different path in life
if i may work for u,
does not mean it may work for others,
so,i decided,advice for my life,
take from only myself.

well,guess,you won,
well,nt really angry,
but more of disappointment...
guess u love a person how long,
it takes the same time to get over it
but guess i was hoping for something lyk this to happen
haha,
guess i should really take a step forward,
i'm capable of making my life a colourful one!
i admit,i do need someone,
but i think,
i'm more thn capable of making my life a great one! :D
haha!
i mayb think that i be better off if i had chosen differently,
but whn i hav does thoughts,
i tell myself,
what would i had miss out if i had?
thn i answer myself,
a lot :)
guess life is still gonna go on
a memory is a memory,
its the past,
a place i'm not in anymore,
i'm in the present,
moving into the future! :D

Starting year 2 now :)
well,firstly,joining HMS society was a great experience :)
camps,friends and experience :)
3 smiley in a row and u know how good it is :)
being in the game IC,house tribe captain :)
great fun! :D
for lesson wise...
modules all sound interesting :)
but then some of the work i am expected to do,
somehow,its putting abit of pressure on me,
plus being CCA exco,
i'm really pressed for time,
plus woking,
so yeah,guess for this semester,
for homework-wise,i hav to do it earlier and stuff :)
so yeah...

2nd half of the year,i rather looking forward :)
expecting something new in my life then :)

it has really been a very long time since i post,
think i hav not blog for at least a month now.
well,this holiday wasn't as great as i had expected,
guess trying to be someone who i'm not,
is not really a habit,
but a skill,something that i have to really practice
and do often in order to maintain.
but it seems,i had turn back to the old me.
the one who don't really care about what happen around me.
i really admit it,
i'm not really a very good friend,
i dun usually initiate meeting up,
call friends up to see what they are doing,
sometimes,i dun even wanna meet up.
thus,its hard to really be my friend,
this i admit to.
hopefully i start work soon,
at least i won't stay at home most of the time,
and at least go out and experience life.
staying at home is not really helping at all.
ARG

well,its been a long time
18 and still living my life...
but then tonite,
something happened
well,i told her how i felt again...
its ard two years since we ended it
thou the first of the two years was still in the grey area,
but the second yr,i was forgetting how it felt...
bt who knew,V.day virus was getting to me,
and it bugged me for ard 3 wks,
so i decided,to let her know how i felt
she was wanting any changes,
yup,it was a no.
but guess,i was more or less expecting it...
took it like an 18 year old.
if it is me whn i was 16?
guess i would had cried,haha.
but thn,guess mayb i was expecting an no?
i duno,but one thing is for sure
it has already been two years,
its time i let this go.
if not i will forever be stuck here.
but there is one gd news,
she thinks i was playing ard with her wit my confession,
so mayb its an happy ending after all?
i duno,guess its left to life to decide?
so now,mentally single alrdy :)
yup,duno i'm ready anot
bt yeah,at least thats one step taken :)

well,its lyk last wk now,
got lyk 3 assignment to hand up,
1 exam to attend,
1 assignment is more or less done
2 haven't even started!
how am i suppose to get ready for the exam?!
feeling tired almost everyday
tink i should really slp earlier
instead of doing things that are not that impt.
ARGH!,juz can't seems to find the motivation
the rush that i nid.
damn it

well,thought that the first sem of poly sucks
who knew the second sem would be so screwed up.
its like 6months of work cramped into 5 months,
plus a not so enthusiastic attitude of mine in this sem
its not really working out for me!
wtf,and they said this years gonna be better for me!
hopefully its after CNY,
but then,i no longer bear hope
or it would be the same feeling i'm gonna get again
from the forecast of the horoscope.
a lot of essays to write,
a lot of research to do,wtf!
common test tmr,
WHY WHY?!why must all the impt things be in this 2 mths?!
ARGH!!

well,everything seems to be back to normal...
haha,
but then i'm still the same i guess,
sometimes a loner sometimes a crazy guy.
but then,this is me :D
thou it has juz been 17 days in this new year,A LOT of things has happen
somethings being settled,
some friends going away...
well,i really duno wat this year is gonna bring in for me,
its lyk a year of surprises,
but then i duno whether they are good or bad...
a year older,another benchmark reached...
18,i been waiting for this age to come,but then,
more freedom is also equal to more responsibility
duno wat this year hold for me,
but i hope it get better..