ckzation

well,not sure of what is happening to me, lack of sleep,others or has the power has gotten to me? lack of sleep: guess slping at wee hours every nite does has it toll on the body, no energy to do anything,restless and bad mood, some of the few things i'm havin now... argh! The power: alwasys been afraid of this, after seeing how power can make a person lose friends, its one thing i always tell myself to avoid, its like,the reason we learn from others mistake, to not take the same path of destruction they had did. but now,after being in two exco, and forgotten about the 'blindness' brings, its may be happening to me rite now, bt its not too late, gotten balance myself! others: well,been thinking bout lots of things, my life,my future and mayb the 'wants'. -first,my life. well,this isn't reall wat i thought 18yrs old would be like, had always thought, by now,i would be financially stable, but look at me now,toys,all the things i dun nid. what is this?! and also,be...

the war has been started, a revolution is waiting to start! is this the calling i been waiting? always sitting,waiting and wishing... seems lyk public speaking is ok for me now, but now is has boil down to one to one conversation, am i up for the game? i nid more practice! haha! i might be heading down a path of destruction, but for now, everything seems worth it!

ARGH! why am i so weak?! can take up,can't let go! DAMN IT! ARGH!being happy is the most impt. different people require different path in life if i may work for u, does not mean it may work for others, so,i decided,advice for my life, take from only myself.

well,guess,you won, well,nt really angry, but more of disappointment... guess u love a person how long, it takes the same time to get over it but guess i was hoping for something lyk this to happen haha, guess i should really take a step forward, i'm capable of making my life a colourful one! i admit,i do need someone, but i think, i'm more thn capable of making my life a great one! :D haha! i mayb think that i be better off if i had chosen differently, but whn i hav does thoughts, i tell myself, what would i had miss out if i had? thn i answer myself, a lot :) guess life is still gonna go on a memory is a memory, its the past, a place i'm not in anymore, i'm in the present, moving into the future! :D

Starting year 2 now :) well,firstly,joining HMS society was a great experience :) camps,friends and experience :) 3 smiley in a row and u know how good it is :) being in the game IC,house tribe captain :) great fun! :D for lesson wise... modules all sound interesting :) but then some of the work i am expected to do, somehow,its putting abit of pressure on me, plus being CCA exco, i'm really pressed for time, plus woking, so yeah,guess for this semester, for homework-wise,i hav to do it earlier and stuff :) so yeah... 2nd half of the year,i rather looking forward :) expecting something new in my life then :)

it has really been a very long time since i post, think i hav not blog for at least a month now. well,this holiday wasn't as great as i had expected, guess trying to be someone who i'm not, is not really a habit, but a skill,something that i have to really practice and do often in order to maintain. but it seems,i had turn back to the old me. the one who don't really care about what happen around me. i really admit it, i'm not really a very good friend, i dun usually initiate meeting up, call friends up to see what they are doing, sometimes,i dun even wanna meet up. thus,its hard to really be my friend, this i admit to. hopefully i start work soon, at least i won't stay at home most of the time, and at least go out and experience life. staying at home is not really helping at all. ARG

well,its been a long time 18 and still living my life... but then tonite, something happened well,i told her how i felt again... its ard two years since we ended it thou the first of the two years was still in the grey area, but the second yr,i was forgetting how it felt... bt who knew,V.day virus was getting to me, and it bugged me for ard 3 wks, so i decided,to let her know how i felt she was wanting any changes, yup,it was a no. but guess,i was more or less expecting it... took it like an 18 year old. if it is me whn i was 16? guess i would had cried,haha. but thn,guess mayb i was expecting an no? i duno,but one thing is for sure it has already been two years, its time i let this go. if not i will forever be stuck here. but there is one gd news, she thinks i was playing ard with her wit my confession, so mayb its an happy ending after all? i duno,guess its left to life to decide? so now,mentally single alrdy :) yup,duno i'm ready anot bt yeah,at least thats one step taken :)